As a child I (due to ignorance and/or misinformation) assumed that only smokers drank coffee, bologna was real meat, and that eating white bread was something you grew out of, like having lacy frills on the tops of your socks or using bubblegum flavored toothpaste.
However as an adult trying to choke down a perfectly good sandwich ruined by existing between two dense pieces of whole wheat, multi grain gag bread I think to my-self "I yam what I yam" and I don't give a damn if eating bread whacked with bird feed makes you a proper adult, its just turrible!
I imagine this grotesque baked good coming into existence from the fat hands of a puffy, flushed faced baker (who was told by his physician to eat better or slip into a diabetic coma) covered in flour with a crazed look in his eye, trying to decipher how he can enjoy a triple meat triple cheese deli gut bomb AND sunflower seeds, sesame seeds, pine nuts and Oates all at the same time.
I know it sounds horrendous...but how else would such a thing happen?!
Oh and if you're a 32 year old still wearing lacy frill top socks and have a squeeze tub of spongbob squarepants bubblegum flavored colgate on your bathroom counter...YOU ROCK THAT my sister/brother friend! Because I plan on eating plain ol white bread for the rest of my days!
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